No way Jose

I'm not usually a sign-watcher, but strange happenings have been occuring that are all centrally focused on one dismal reality...

I'm getting old.

First, it was the 15 gray hairs above my ears (not in my ears, that would give me 2 reasons to be depressed) I ripped out a month or so. I was so shocked I might as well pulled 6 feet of ringworm out of my ears.

Next, it's the fact that I can't get away with eating two Rhoads cinnamon rolls right before bed anymore without waking up and feeling like poop. That stuff used to melt off in the night but now I officially can't see my belt when I lean over.

Finally, we took Avery to her pre-school open house last night. Bleh. I looked forward to school like early Native Americans looked forward to European diseases. Why don't they invent "Pre-Root Canal"? Or "Pre-Prostate Exam"?

Oh well, I can't slow down time just any better than I can slow down these kids. So to Mrs. Camilee, who will be introducing my child to her first go at organized chaos, if you need me during Avery's class, I'll be outside.

Chopsticks

Raining like mad outside today. I started to play some tunes. Then Quincey took over, and I grabbed the camera. I used to hate the rain, but not today. I know these look like funny faces, but she's actually singing...something Russian, I think.

Mi Cumpleanos Feliz

I love my birthday. It's the one day out of 365 where I get to slack off and finally get some recognition for working my butt off all year. Dads and husbands, yeh feel me? (2 fist bumps on chest then sideways Peace sign).

All I really wanted to do was play Call of Duty 4 all day on a gihugant screen with zero interruptions...but golf with the misses was lovely, even if I couldn't kill any Krauts.

This is something I like to call "Over-Photoshopped". Notice aura around my being...that's just natural.

I taught my wife how to swing, and now she is returning the favor.

After golf, it was outdoor party time. Liz's extended family was all in town, RV-ing their way to Cowflop, IL or some darn place for a family reunion. We're supposed to be there, but Liz is teaching at Creating Keepsakes University this week. Bummer.

Uncle KC put his specs on Matty-boy...looks like a young Drew Carey/Napolean Dynamite.

This is Liz's brother Josh and lady friend Arianna. Josh is the best guitarist in P-town, he will melt faces with his Gibson. P.S., guess who bought him his 1st guitar when he was 13?? Muah.

This is Liz's sister Camille, husband Matt and kids. Camille was in my grade, and I feel bad that I used her to get to her little sister. No hard feelings. Matt is getting his PhD and will be the first Doctor of Social Media. Lila is ticked that Matty-boy took her cupcake.

KC and Allison. They don't come any cooler. He is ketchup, she is mayo, and together they make beautiful fry sauce.

The hip Grandma Dravland. I have her to thank for my wife's 1/8 Greek and all the fun antics that come with that Punnet Square.

Grandpa Dravland, one of the best people I know. Give him a mic, he'll can sing anything Sinatra, and I'll give you a donut if you can tell them apart. Favorite quote: "Don't forget to wear your seatbelt, and all that jazz."

These two give me hope for marriage. My parents just signed the divorce papes last week after a 32 year go at it. I asked Dick and Char what their secret was...."There was a time we wanted to split up, but neither of us would give up the kids, so we MADE it work!" I think they were being a tad humble, these two epitomise the Hinckley quote: "I'm convinced that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one's companion."

This is Bruce, Liz's uncle. He's the uncle I never had. We can talk about west-coast offense and watch re-runs of Deadliest Catch like they're the most interesting things in the world.

To quote my little sister Emily Frame's last Tweet, "Family: it puts the "brace yourself" in dysfunctional."

I can't imagine having a functional family. How boring would that be?